War Pig

                "High on a mountain in western Montana
                A silhouette moves 'cross a cinnamon sky
                Riding alone on a horse he called Music
                With a song on his lips, and a tear in his eye"

                          From “A Horse Called Music” by Wayne Carson


My Honda ST1300 was a great bike on which to learn.  In spite of it sounding like George Jeston’s aerocar it was utterly reliable, capable of hauling a load and its V4 engine was smooth and powerful.   All of this made the ST a good touring bike and, at the time, just what I needed.  It allowed a full blown case of motorcycle touring fever to set in.  But even though I was happy with the ST, there were issues festering.  Like a man married to a plain woman; if she’s all you know, then she’s all you want.  Truth be told,  I knew the ST was plain and eventually I strayed. 


Out of the blue, KC called and asked if I’d ride his 2006 BMW1200GS back to his home from his son’s, crossing a good part of north Georgia in the process.  

“Is this a trick question?”,  I asked.


I rode the GS across the southern end of the Appalachian mountains and at the end of the afternoon, I had a full blown epiphany.  I’m talking angels with trumpets, blinding shafts of light and thundering God voices.    The GS had OK power (actually the Boxer engine is an acquired taste), but Mama Mia, what handling! Controllable, predictable and stable cornering.  Oh my God.

Days later, I sold the ST and bought KC’s GS.

On the GS I felt in control and confident in the turns. It felt athletic in the mountains; turns went from terrifying to terrific.    The GS was lighter than the ST but it could carry a bigger load of camping gear without looking like the Beverly Hillbillies.  I could run down a rutted fire road with confidence, handle a water crossing without blinking and still pass semi’s on the interstate in the driving rain.  The GS went places the ST would NEVER have gone.   It was a case of man-bike love at first sight.

The cliche is that the bike becomes an extension of your body and does what your mind wants without you having to think about it.  Well, just because its a cliche doesn’t mean its not true.  The GS and I bonded and in the bargain I became more confident and, importantly, safer on the mountain roads.   It was much easier to stay off the “goddamn center line”.

KC began to see the GS as “the” bike to have for the riding that we were doing.  After a brief affair with a BMW K1600 and its Porsche Turbo acceleration, he located a 2012 Triple Black 1200GS with 7 miles on the odometer that a doctor in Tennessee was selling because his feet didn’t reach the ground.  That’s the problem with a GS...if you’re not a six-footer you’re going to have to be creative with gettin’ on and gettin’ off.  The bike had been farkled with something of a heavy hand;  the skid plate looked like it had been designed to defend against IED’s in Fallujah.  We began referring to the Triple Black as “War Pig”.

When the 2013 water cooled 1200GSW’s debuted, riders gushed.   Reviewers declared it to be “Best GS ever”,  “Best BMW ever”, “Greatest bike ever” and  promised it would “Make you forget all about your Hexhead or Camhead”.  Though he loved War Pig, KC ended up with a gorgeous new 1200GSW in white.  With every imaginable feature and farkle...it was fast, sleek and beautiful.   He said, “I’ve owned a couple hundred motorcycles in my life and this is the best bike I’ve ever had”.  From a guy who could ride any bike on the planet, that was a mouthful. 

But, do the math people...it put two GS’s in KC’s barn and War Pig began developing cobwebs.  Had it been on a chessboard, War Pig would have been the King sitting alone in the middle.   Had it been sitting at a bar at midnight, War Pig would have been by herself wearing red lipstick and high heels.  Had been in a river, War Pig would have been a big trout sticking it’s snout through the surface sipping mayflies.

Anyone could see, War Pig was in play.

I began dropping subtle comments to KC about War Pig’s future which eventually revealed that he was done with War Pig and that it was, to my great delight, available.   While I loved my ’06 GS, I lusted for a newer bike with more power, lower miles and a taste of the OEM warranty.    War Pig fit the bill and KC made the price right.  Within a week the ’06 was sold and War Pig was sitting in my shop getting a farkle make over.   I am pleased to announce that War Pig is now tour ready. 

I’ve ridden War Pig a couple thousand miles now and with each ride I learn a bit more about what it can do.  I believe that if I am sensible and do what KC has taught me, War Pig can be trusted.  I can ask for no more than that.